I’m serious. At that moment, I would have happily traded lives with a tree. Or a bird. Or a bug. Or just about any other living object on the planet.
With that sad thought, I decided to get myself up and out of there before anyone else came along. It took all my strength to peel my wrecked bicycle off the lamppost. Luckily, I didn’t have far to drag it.
For the second time in the same afternoon, I crept into my house and up the stairs so I could get cleaned up before anyone saw me. Now, as I studied my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I saw there was no way I could hide all my cuts and scrapes from my mom.
“Oh, who cares?” I moaned as I washed the mud off my face and hands. “Who cares if Mom sees them? I’ll be doing her a favor by giving her something else to laugh at. It’ll really make her day!”
I went back into my room and changed into my last clean shirt. Then I glanced around, trying to find something to do.
I decided to boot up my computer. Playing with my computer is one of the few things I really like. When I’m lost in the world of a computer game, sometimes I can actually forget I’m a total jerk named Gary Lutz. Nobody in a computer game ever calls me Lutz the Klutz.
I turned on the computer and decided to have another try at the Planet Monstro Fantasy game I’d been stuck on for two days. Monstro is a really cool game.
When you play it, you’re a character named The Warrior, and you’re trapped on the planet Monstro. You have to get yourself out of all kinds of scary situations.
Before I started to play, I thought I’d check Computa Note, one of the electronic bulletin boards I’m connected to on the computer.
I’d left a message there on Monday, asking if anyone knew how to defeat the two-headed dragon that kept eating me on the thirteenth moon of Monstro. Sometimes other people in the country who are playing the same game will send each other hints.
When I accessed Computa Note, I saw the following computer-game-related messages on the screen:
To Arnold in Milwaukee: Have you tried rubbing smashed-up eucalyptus leaves all over yourself in the rain forest game? It’s an ecologically correct way of repelling the poisonous ants in EcoScare 95. From Lisa in San Francisco
To R from Sacramento: The only way to escape from the flood on your spaceship in SpaceQuest 20 is to inflate your suit and float away. From L in St. Louis
To Gary in Millville: Try stabbing the dragon between the eyes. It worked for me. From Ted in Ithaca
Oh, terrific, I thought. I’d been trying to stab the dragon between the eyes. But the creature always ate me before I could do it! What was “Ted in Ithaca” doing that I wasn’t?
I decided to leave another electronic note, asking Ted to explain what he meant. But, as I started typing, I noticed another message at the very bottom of the computer screen.
I read it. Then I read it again very carefully:
TAKE A VACATION FROM YOURSELF.
Change places with someone for a week!
5
What could that mean?
I pressed the Enter button so I could read what was next. I desperately wanted more information about the message. This is what I saw:
TAKE A VACATION FROM YOURSELF.
Change places with someone for a week!
PERSON-TO-PERSON VACATIONS
113 Roach Street, Suite 2-
B
or call 1-800-555-SWAP
How could it possibly work? I asked myself. How could two people change lives without getting into all kinds of trouble?
I had to admit it sounded totally crazy.
Crazy, but interesting.
I yawned and scratched the back of my head.
“Ouch!” My hand grazed one of the painful bumps I’d gotten from Barry, Marv, and Karl.
It really hurt. But the stab of pain helped me make up my mind. I was definitely ready for some changes in my life.
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life getting beat up!” I told myself. “Or crashing into lampposts, either! Or being the last person chosen for the team!”
I took out a piece of paper and copied the address from the screen. As I did, I realized it was only a few blocks from my school. I knew just where it was. I could stop by the Person-to-Person office the next day.
I’m really going to check it out, I decided.
Making up my mind like that improved my mood a lot. I was beginning to feel almost cheerful when I went back downstairs. But not for long. When my family sat down in the dining room for dinner, my father noticed my banged-up face.
“Gary!” he exclaimed. “What in the world happened to you?”
“Er,” I said. “I had a little accident on my bike.” I winced as I said the word “bike”. I was thinking about the mangled wreck in the corner of the garage.
“I don’t believe that for a minute,” Mom said. “I’m sure you’ve been fighting with those big kids in the neighborhood again. Why in the world can’t you children learn to settle your disagreements peacefully?”
Krissy started laughing so hard, she almost choked on her tuna casserole. “Gary doesn’t have any disagreements with those guys, Mom!” she said. “They just like to beat him up!”
My mother shook her head angrily. “Well, I think that’s just outrageous!” she said. “I have a good mind to call those boys’ parents up right now and give them a piece of my mind!”
I groaned loudly. “I’m telling you, Mom, I really had an accident with my bike. If you don’t believe me, go check it out in the garage.”
Then my father did believe me. He started lecturing me about bike safety and why I should have been wearing my helmet and how I was going to have to pay to have the bike fixed with my own money.
After a while, I stopped paying much attention. As I pushed my casserole around on my plate, all I could think about was my plan for changing my life with Person-to-Person Vacations.
The sooner the better, I thought. The sooner I get out of this life, the better off I’ll be.
We finished dinner, and I went upstairs to play on my computer again. I spent the rest of the evening with my Planet Monstro game.
I kept trying to stab the dragon between the eyes. But even though I followed Ted from Ithaca’s advice, I couldn’t do it. The dragon ate me twenty-three times.
Finally, I gave up and crawled into bed. I was so wiped out, I started drifting off to sleep almost right away. I turned over and pulled the blanket up under my chin. I curled up into a ball. The toes on my right foot touched something.
“Huh?” I said out loud. “What is that down there?”
My heart pounded in my chest.
Slowly, I moved my toes again.
“Ohhhhhh.” My blood turned into ice.
I jumped out of bed and let out a bloodcurdling scream.
6
Frantically, I ripped the blankets off my bed. In the dim light coming in through the window, I could see the rat—fat and hairy, its red eyes gleaming at me.
I screamed again.
Then I heard laughter down the hall. Krissy’s laughter.
My stomach sank. I made my way to the switch and turned on the light.
Sure enough. The rat still stared at me from my bed. But now I recognized it. A gray rubber rat. One of Claus’ favorite toys.
In her room down the hall, Krissy squealed with laughter.
“I’m going to get you, you little brat!” I screamed. I thought about going down the hall and really thumping her. But I quickly decided against it.
Even though Krissy is only nine, she happens to be pretty strong. There was an excellent chance she could beat me up.
With an angry growl, I grabbed the rat off my bed and heaved it into the corner of my room. Then, my heart still pounding with rage, I turned off the light and climbed back under the covers.
“Tomorrow,” I promised myself in the dark room. “Tomorrow, you, Gary Lutz, are going to check out that ad and find out if you can change your life. Even if it’s only for a week, it has
to be better than this miserable life you have now!”
The next day I kept my promise to myself. After breakfast, I walked the six blocks to Roach Street
and started reading the street numbers, trying to find number 113.
I guess I was looking for some kind of big, glass office building. But when I finally found number 113, it was on a small, gray building that looked something like my dentist’s office. A little sign on the outside read:
PERSON-TO-PERSON VACATIONS,
Suite 2-B
I opened the door and walked up a flight of steps. At the top, I opened another door and went into a kind of waiting room with beige carpeting and tan leather chairs.
A dark-haired woman sat behind a big glass window. She smiled at me when I came in, and I walked over to talk to her.
“Good afternoon,” she said into a microphone.
I jumped. Even though the woman was right in front of me, her voice came out through a speaker on the wall.
“Uh… um,” I stammered nervously. “I came about the message on the electronic bulletin board?”
“Oh, yes,” the woman replied with another smile. “A lot of people learn about us from their computers. Pardon me for staying behind this glass shield. But the equipment behind me is so delicate, we have to be very careful about protecting it.”
I peered over the woman’s shoulder. I could see gleaming metal counters and a wall of electronic equipment, including what appeared to be heart monitors, video screens, X-ray machines, and cameras. It looked like something right out of Star Trek!
I suddenly had a heavy feeling in my stomach. Maybe this is a bad idea, I thought. “Y-you probably don’t like kids hanging around in here,” I stammered. I started backing away toward the door.
“Not true,” she said. “Many of our customers are young people such as you. A lot of kids are interested in changing places with someone else for a week. What did you say your name was?”
“Gary. Gary Lutz.”
“Nice to meet you, Gary. My name is Ms. Karmen. How old are you. About twelve?”
I nodded.
“Come over here for a minute,” Ms. Karmen said, motioning with her hand.
Cautiously, I walked back over to the glass booth. She opened a little slot at the bottom of her window and pushed out a book. I picked it up and saw that it was a photo album, like the one my parents have from their wedding.
I opened it and started looking through it. “It’s kids!” I exclaimed. “All about my age.”
“Correct,” said Ms. Karmen. “They’re all interested in switching lives with someone else for a week.”
“Wow.” I studied the album.
A lot of the kids in the pictures looked big and strong. And cool. Kids like that wouldn’t be afraid of anything, I told myself. I wondered what it would be like to be one of them.
“You can pick a boy—or even a girl, for that matter—to trade places with for a week,” Ms. Karmen was saying.
“But how does it work?” I asked. “Do I just go take over somebody’s room and live in his house for a week? Go to his school? Wear his clothes?”
The woman laughed. “It’s far more interesting than that, Gary. With our getaway vacations, you actually become the other person for a week.”
“Huh?”
“What we have,” the woman explained, “is a safe, painless way to switch one person’s mind into another person’s body. So, while you’ll know you’re really you, no one else will recognize you. Not even the other boy’s parents!”
I was still confused. “But… what about my body? Does it get stored here?”
“No, no. We here at Person-to-Person will find someone else to take over your body for the week. Your parents will never even know you’re gone!”
I looked down at my skinny body and wondered who could possibly want to borrow it for a week. Ms. Karmen leaned forward in her chair. “So what do you say? Are you interested, Gary?”
I stared into her dark brown eyes and swallowed hard. I broke into a cold sweat. This whole thing was really weird—and scary! “Uh,” I said. “I don’t know. I mean I’m just not sure.”
“Don’t feel bad,” Ms. Karmen said. “Many people take some time to get used to the idea of a body switch. You can think it over for as long as you wish.”
She took out a small camera. “But in the meantime, would you mind if I took your picture? That way, we can find out if anyone is interested in being in your body for a week.”
“Well, I guess it’s okay,” I replied.
She snapped the picture, and the flash went off in front of my eyes. “But I’m still not sure I want to go through with it.”
“There’s no obligation,” Ms. Karmen said. “Why don’t we leave it this way? You fill out a form describing yourself. Then I’ll put your picture into our display album. And, when we find someone to take your place, I’ll call you to see if you’ve made up your mind.”
“Okay,” I replied. What harm could that do? I asked myself. There was no way she would ever find anybody who’d want my body for a week!
I spent a few minutes filling out the form. I had to write down my name and address. Then I had to tell all about my hobbies, and how well I did in school, and things like that. When I was finished, I handed it to Ms. Karmen, said good-bye, and headed out the door.
I made it most of the way home without getting into trouble. A block and a half from my house, I ran into my three most unfavorite people in the world—Barry, Marv, and Karl.
“Hey, guys!” Barry cried with an ugly smile. “The Klutz is up and walking around. That must mean we didn’t do a very good job of pounding him yesterday.”
“No,” I insisted. “You did a good job. You did a very good job, guys!”
I guess they didn’t believe me. They all jumped me at once.
When they were finally finished—about five minutes later—I lay on the ground and watched them walk away through one swollen black eye.
“Have a nice day!” Marv called back to me. All three of them roared with laughter.
I sat up and pounded the ground with my fist.
“I’m sick of this!” I wailed. “I want to be somebody else—anybody else!”
Slowly and painfully, I dragged myself to my feet. “I’m doing it,” I decided. “And nobody’s going to stop me. Tomorrow I’m going to call Person-to-Person Vacations. I want them to put me into somebody else’s body. As soon as they can!”
7
I spent the next few days changing my Band-Aids and hoping the woman from Person-to-Person Vacations would call me.
At first, I ran to answer the phone every time it rang. But of course it was never for me. Usually, it was one of Krissy’s dumb friends, wanting to giggle and gossip.
One afternoon, I was reading a science-fiction book in my usual spot behind the big maple tree. I heard a sound, and peered around from behind the tree.
Sure enough, there was Mr. Andretti walking across the lawn. He was dressed in his beekeeping outfit. As I watched, Mr. Andretti went to the screened-in area off the garage and started opening up the little doors to his beehives.
Bzzzzzz.
I covered my ears, but I couldn’t shut out the loud, droning hum. How I hated that sound! It was just so frightening.
I shivered and decided it was time to go back inside.
As I climbed to my feet, a bullet-sized object shot right by my nose. A bee!
Were the bees escaping for real this time?
I gasped and stared over at Andretti’s house. Then I almost choked. There was a big hole in the screen around the beekeeping area.
A lot of bees were flying out!
“Ow!” I cried out as a bee landed on the side of my head and buzzed loudly into my ear.
Frantically, I batted it away. Then I ran toward the house. For one wild moment, I thought about calling the police or maybe the paramedics.
But, as I slammed the back door, I heard an all-too-familiar sound. “Haw haw ha
w!”
Once again, Mr. Andretti was laughing at me.
I pounded my fist into my other hand. Oh, how I’d like to sock that guy in the nose! I thought.
I was interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing.
“Give me a break!” I cried as I stomped off to answer it. “Don’t Krissy’s moron friends have anything better to do than talk on the phone all day long?”
“Whaddya want?” I snarled into the mouthpiece.
“Is this Gary?” a woman’s voice asked. “Gary Lutz?”
“Uh… yes,” I answered in surprise. “I’m Gary.”
“Hi, Gary. This is Ms. Karmen. From Person-to-Person Vacations? Remember me?”
My heart started thumping in my chest. “Yes. I remember,” I answered.
“Well, if you’re still interested, we’ve found a match for you!”
“A match?”
“Correct,” said Ms. Karmen. “We’ve found a boy who wants to switch bodies with you for a week. Are you interested?”
I hesitated for a few seconds. But, then, as I gazed out the back door of the kitchen, I saw a big, fat bee throwing itself against the outside of our screen door. “Haw haw!” Mr. Andretti’s scornful laughter boomed across the back yard.
My mouth tightened into a thin line. “Yes,” I said firmly. “I’m really interested. When can we make the switch?”
“Why, we could do it now,” said Ms. Karmen. “If that’s all right with you.”
My pulse raced as I thought. My parents were both out for the afternoon, and Krissy was playing at a friend’s house. The timing was perfect. I’d never get another chance like this!
“Now is great!” I exclaimed.
“Terrific, Gary. It will take me about twenty minutes to get to your house.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
The next twenty minutes seemed to take forever. While I waited, I paced back and forth in the living room, wondering what my new body would be like.